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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23293876">the right ending</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryJ/pseuds/starryJ'>starryJ</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Day6 (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, based on 'what am i' cover, basically it's all about that cover, but not really, guitarist!jae, it's up to you to decide, jae's hurt but brian makes it better, there's smut but it's not graphic, writer!Brian, you guys decide the ending for yourself</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:33:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,872</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23293876</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryJ/pseuds/starryJ</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“mind me asking why you were crying? if it’s too personal, then it’s fine, but maybe i could help… is there anything i can do?”</p><p>(alt: brian gets stuck while writing and goes to the beach in hopes to free his mind, but there's someone crying next to him and soon he somehow ends up talking to that stranger. the rest is history.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kang Younghyun | Young K/Park Jaehyung | Jae</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>77</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Day6 OTPs</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the right ending</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>oh wow, it's really been a while, huh?<br/>life's been crazy and i fought with writer block for quite a while, but i guess you could call it a comeback. tbh, this idea has been haunting me ever since that cover was released, meaning i spent almost a month thinking about it, but never getting to actually sit down and type.<br/>if you're looking for any kind of logic here - it's error 404, because i let my imagination and brian's cover lead me, but i tried to make it as logical as it was possible. technically, it's really up to you to decide whether it's a soulmate au or not, because they don't have any signs of finding their soulmates, it's just the realization that is there.<br/>anyways, i hope you guys enjoy this one as much as i enjoyed writing it! (god, i really heard jae's voice saying that in my head, perhaps i've been spending too much time translating his podcasts...)</p><p>i don't want to spoil anything but some topics discussed in the end can be quite sensitive for some people, so please be careful. it's nothing too bad, but still, better skip the ending if you're uncomfortable with those topics.</p><p>please leave kudos and comments, your opinion will mean the world to me!</p><p>ps. hope everyone is staying safe and healthy. wash your hands properly, okay? :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>first of all, brian doesn’t believe in soulmates. well, maybe “doesn’t believe” would sound too strong for some people, but that’s exactly what he means. he doesn’t even understand how it’s supposed to work, let alone believing his other half really exists. nobody can be your perfect match, because nobody’s perfect, no matter how you look at it.</p><p>his first girlfriend, whom he believed he loved with all his heart, cheated on him with a scientist because he was paying more attention to working on his books than on spending time with her. jokes on her, as if the scientist would pay more attention to her than his researches! but, in all seriousness, brian genuinely believed that if his other half truly existed, they would accept him with all his flaws and that they’d work on solving those problems together in… let’s say, less selfish and stupid way.</p><p>of course, one shitty experience doesn’t ruin one’s whole love life. but the trick is, his second experience wasn’t any better – his boyfriend scott broke up with him because he, scott, was allergic to brian’s favorite type of milk and also hated the color of their shared at that time bedroom, but that was the least of their problems (see, the bedroom actually was and still remains brian’s because he payed for that house with his own money, and scott was just being a bitch). so, instead of simply ignoring that milk in the fridge, scott ran away to save his health, but that was the weirdest experience in brian’s life, so he doesn’t even always count that as a relationship.</p><p>his third relationship was with a really sweet girl named lilian, who swore she loved him unconditionally, and it truly seemed like that, but then one day she just flew to india to “start her life with a new page” and never texted or called him ever since. she didn’t even pack her things, and of course he was scared to death once he came home to a small note from her, but a few weeks later her mother finally gave up and told him that lilian never stayed in a relationship for more than a year, more so, never stayed in one place for too long. brian couldn’t really blame her for that, but it reminded him once again that his soulmate either didn’t exist, or was dead, or was in another galaxy. see?</p><p>so, yeah, first of all, brian doesn’t believe in soulmates. and yet, he somehow ended up writing a book on soulmates. the idea came to him out of the blue when he was helping his friend move to a new flat and noticed a tiny, but beautiful tattoo on his sister’s wrist. it was something like a bracelet with little stars, going all the way around her wrist but not really having an end. he didn’t ask what it meant and didn’t even think about it once they were done with moving all of the boxes, but all he remembers is that next day he woke up with a really bright idea for his new story. in “his” soulmate universe, people were given ten chances to find their soulmate – each try ended with a kiss, which, if it was not with their other half, resulted in having a new little star appear on their wrist. on their tenth – and final – try their soulmate would die, no matter where they were and what they were doing at the moment. pretty rude, you’ll say, but that’s exactly what he became popular for. sure, most of his books have a happy ending, because he was never that cruel, but there are just enough fluffy books with predictable plots and no twists at all in this market. no, wrong address, brian likes surprises, well, he loves surprises, to be precise. and tissues. perhaps tissues too, but not for himself.</p><p>normally, his working process is more or less smooth – basically, he sits down and only gets up when he finishes writing a chapter, which sometimes takes him way more than a few hours (his record is writing for twenty hours straight, but it was so worth it when he got payed for that book afterwards and it became his most famous one). he doesn’t believe in inspiration and all the other magical stuff people are so into, but he does believe in the magical “just do it” phrase. at times, he catches himself thinking that he perhaps really should pay more attention to his health, but those thoughts come and go, and the only thing that remains constant is the desire to give the world as many stories as possible. so, yes, normally he would write for as long as he can until he runs out of food or falls asleep with his head dangerously close to the keyboard. but “normally” means once in a month, at best, because nothing is normal in a writer’s life, so most of the time he gets stuck while trying to find the perfect description or maybe a single word that would give the whole page a different color and mood.</p><p>today is exactly one of those days.</p><p>brian is currently trying to write out an ending for the twentieth chapter, where the main characters are finally having a talk which is supposed to make things easier for them – but not in this lifetime, you know. he sighs, typing and erasing the last paragraph for what feels like a hundredth time in just a few hours, because nothing seems to fit perfectly and – that is his biggest problem – he never settles for things that don’t look perfect to him when it comes to writing. tired, he closes his eyes for a second to have a moment of rest, but those tiny black letters are still bright in front of him even like this, so he gives up and comes back to the keyboard. the main character a – he still hasn’t found a fitting name for her – wants nothing but to finally kiss another main character alec. everything seems quite simple for her as she’s sure alec is her soulmate, but he is hesitant, because he’s already burned himself way too many times for it to be considered simple now.</p><p>he tries to imagine himself in a situation like that, where kissing the wrong person would make his other half die, tries to think of the things he would say, but nothing comes to his mind. all he sees is a lake filled with black letters from the screen, and aside from that his mind is totally blank – all he can think about is making alec get up and leave without saying a word despite really wanting to try it, even if it’s the last time. the problem with that, though, is that brian doesn’t want to make alec too selfish in that scene, doesn’t want to turn him into a pure egoist, because what he’s already written would never lead to that strange character development.</p><p>“no way i’m getting anything done today,” he sighs once again and finally closes the document.</p><p>giving up is something he tries his best to avoid, but there are times when you can’t do anything and the best thing would be actually listening to yourself and letting your mind and body rest instead of pushing it beyond its limits. if you ask brian, he would never agree with this, if it wasn’t for his friend, dowoon, who one day made him drop everything and go on a short spontaneous road trip together. needless to say, he returned home recharged, energized and full of enthusiasm to keep working on something he was about to delete, so from that moment on his life faced a drastic change. whenever he feels like he’s come to a wall high enough to stop him, he lets it be for a time being and comes back to it once fully ready.</p><p>brian spends a good half an hour just walking around his small yet cozy house, watering plants and doing his weekly cleaning (which is only done when he needs a break, so sometimes he doesn’t do it for weeks) before he realizes it’s not leading him anywhere as well. he could call dowoon and ask for another share of advice, but instead grabs the car keys and fifteen minutes later he finds himself on the road to the beach.</p><p>driving isn’t really his kind of thing since he falls asleep in no time due to his messed-up sleeping schedule, and because of that he can’t pay proper attention to the road, but those are the times of despair, you know? usually he would go by bus or have someone drive him, but right now he really needs to have some time with himself, just spend a few hours alone with the sound of waves and see where it’s going to lead him.</p><p>it’s not surprising for him to find out that he’s most definitely not alone on the beach: despite it being early march, there are already quite a few people here and there. he quickly scans the area and notices an almost empty spot with an absolutely breathtaking view of the sunset (trust him, he knows this beach like the back of his hand, even though there are still a couple of hours before sunset) and soon lays out his pretty blue blanket – nobody wants to deal with sand everywhere, right?</p><p>brian closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, almost letting his imagination wander freely, but he doesn’t get to enjoy the peace and silence for too long as he hears someone sobbing quietly. that wasn’t a part of his plan, but he can’t stand it when people are crying and he can’t do anything to help them, even if they are just random strangers, so he opens his eyes again and looks around to find the source of those sobs. five meters away from him sits a guy in a big gray hoodie which is at least two sizes bigger than he is, but that’s pretty much all brian can tell because he can’t see anything else – the guy’s got a hood over his head and his face is hidden behind big pale hands (brian isn’t really staring at how beautiful his long fingers look, no, it’s just noticing the details). for a few moments he just sits there, watching the guy crying and feeling incredibly intrusive even though he doesn’t even know about brian’s presence yet, but then decides that since his evening is already messed up, he can try to save someone else from having an equally terrible one (well, maybe even worse, but you get the point). perhaps brian wouldn’t do that if he didn’t look so broken, so small and lonely on this beautiful beach, perhaps he would ignore those tears and forget about it fifteen minutes later, and yet something makes him get up, makes him want to be of help, to save the guy from whatever hurt him.</p><p>“hey,” he begins quietly as he gets closer to the guy, blanket in his hands, hesitant to sit down without getting a proper permission. “can i sit here?”</p><p>the guy looks up, surprised, eyes red from crying but still shining in a way brian hasn’t seen much before, and nods. he quickly wets his lips and wipes off the tears that are still streaming down his cheeks, as if trying to pretend that nothing happened and it wasn’t him who was crying just a few seconds ago. brian finds it adorable, but, of course, keeps it to himself. he knows later he will think about this situation a lot, but right now he doesn’t care.</p><p>“i’m sorry for bothering you,” brian continues, but the guy just shakes his head and proceeds to fight with the tears.</p><p>now that brian has a better look on him, he can say that the guy is very handsome. he doesn’t look perfect like all the models whose pictures are plastered all over the city, but there is something about him that makes him unique in the best way possible – maybe it’s because of his plump lips or his eyes, or maybe both, or maybe it’s the way his blond hair looks mesmerizing in the evening sun? still, he looks great, and don’t get brian wrong, he just loves admiring the beauty around him.</p><p>“it’s alright,” brian finally gets a reply. “i am the one who should be sorry for ruining your peaceful evening.”</p><p>his voice sounds a bit shaky, which is understandable, and he’s shivering, but he still tries his best to smile – the smile bitter, making brian wonder what it looks like when he’s willing to smile, when someone makes him do so. he shakes his head to get rid of those thoughts, but doesn’t succeed and instead subconsciously reaches out his hand to wipe off the last lonely tear making its way down the blond’s cheek. surprised with himself, he opens his mouth to apologize and suddenly regrets the decision to initiate a conversation whatsoever, but the guy doesn’t even flinch away, he just stares back, curiosity written all over his face.</p><p>“my name’s jae,” he almost whispers, cheeks turning pink.</p><p>“i’m brian. actually, younghyun, but no one ever cares, and i doubt you will, so. brian. it’s nice to meet you, jae. i’m really sorry for that… whatever it is, but i just can’t sit silently when i see other people in pain.”</p><p>“okay brian,” jae says, this time actually smiling – and brian is suddenly proud of the stupid joke he just made. “it’s nice of you.”</p><p>“mind me asking why you were crying? if it’s too personal, then it’s fine, but maybe i could help… is there anything i can do?”</p><p>brian isn’t sure about what the hell he’s even doing and where it is going to lead him, but if he’s ever learned something about his life, it’s that he should always trust his heart and his heart is currently beating really fast because he doesn’t want to see jae crying ever again. the jae he met just five minutes ago, the jae he will probably never meet again, and also the jae who somehow makes his head spin by just looking at him. jae bites his lower lip, looking like a lost kitten who’s offered a new home, unsure and hesitant, and brian regrets asking, but then he notices that his eyes are starting to shine with tears again and promises himself he’ll do whatever it takes to stop this. and yet, he still doesn’t understand himself.</p><p>“it’s alright, unless you want to be my shoulder to cry on, which i actually doubt,” jae sighs, trying to smile but failing, dangerously close to tears again.</p><p>that doesn’t go unnoticed, and for a second brian really weighs his options, but what can he lose other than a few hours of his time? if it turns out he can’t do anything, he’ll most likely at least get himself an interesting story to think about later. and oh, jae does seem like he’s got quite an interesting story. well, unless he says someone broke up with him… those are the kind of stories he’s pretty much fed up with – all of his friends always come to him when something like that happens, and he’s also had his own share of breakups as well.</p><p>“i think my shoulders can carry a few of your tears, don’t worry,” he smiles and can’t help grinning when jae mirrors the smile. so that’s how it looks when he’s not pretending, huh?</p><p>“i… well, i got rejected once again,” jae finally mutters.</p><p>ah, there you go.</p><p>but before he gets a chance to roll his eyes and have to apologize for that, making sure jae understands it’s not because of him, but because of being rejected in general, jae continues.</p><p>“i sent them three new songs, but they said those were too raw!” he says, almost tearing up again.</p><p>now that gets interesting, brian thinks to himself.</p><p>“who said that?” he asks, hoping jae will understand he’s not familiar with his problem yet.</p><p>“the company i want to work for! it’s my seventh attempt to get there, but they keep rejecting me and i honestly don’t know what to do anymore!” jae sighs and blinks a few times before the tips of his ears suddenly get slightly pink. “oh. i forgot to say, i’m writing songs for others. i mostly play the guitar.”</p><p>it’s only now that brian notices the acoustic guitar lying forgotten on the sand next to jae. well, he was so busy trying to figure out what could’ve possibly happened to make a guy cry like that, so it’s understandable why he didn’t see it before. he nods to show he’s listening, but in reality his mind is suddenly filled with a dozen new questions he will never have an answer to – first of them being what is it about jae that attracts him this much? could it be..? no, it can’t be real. he doesn’t even believe in love at first sight, let alone it happening to him. he might be a writer who is used to trust his imagination even in the weirdest situations, but this is certainly out of his reach. and yet, there is something about jae that makes him nervous, makes him want to be extra careful with what he says, makes him want to leave a good impression. what for...?</p><p>“wait, have we ever met before?” jae asks all of a sudden, the question sending shivers down brian’s spine.</p><p>“i doubt that, unless you’ve seen me on tv or something. but i was on tv just a few times, so…” he trails off, not really knowing what else to add.</p><p>brian thinks back to the book he’s currently working on and those thoughts almost make him laugh, but he doesn’t want to look too creepy, so he keeps them to himself. the problem is that those same exact words were said by one of his characters upon meeting their soulmate. but soulmates don’t exist, he has to remind himself, that’s ridiculous.</p><p>“right, and i am literally a goldfish, so it’s no wonder if i just got confused for a moment,” jae admits with a small smile. “anyways, i know it’s not worth crying like this in public, and i usually don’t do it, but i kind of… had enough. i couldn’t get up and smile like nothing happened again, you know? i’ve done it too many times.”</p><p>and something in his voice tells brian that there’s more to it, that being rejected this time was just the last straw. he doesn’t want to push jae into talking about something he isn’t comfortable with, so instead he comes up with a question.</p><p>“have you thought about making your own band or going solo?”</p><p>“i’m not very good with people. they would need to build everything around me and i most definitely don’t want to be a burden. as for going solo, i… i can’t sing. well, no, i do sing sometimes, but it’s never enough to amaze people,” jae sighs.</p><p>“what do you mean by being a burden?” brian asks another question, frowning, but jae just shrugs.</p><p>“i’m allergic to almost everything you can find in this world. fruits – check, milk – check, rye – check, strong sunlight – check. that’s actually the reason i came here in the evening, after crying my way through the day inside,” jae giggles and brian isn’t sure anymore if he’s talking seriously or just messing with him.</p><p>“oh man. that’s really shitty, sorry to hear. but what’s wrong with your vocals? sorry, i just don’t believe everything i hear, so… dare to try and amaze me?” he smirks, but quickly catches himself and is about to apologize for crossing the line when jae grins at him.</p><p>he picks up his guitar and clears his throat, looking at brian almost expectantly, but when he doesn’t say anything, jae takes it as a sign to play one of his own songs. he’s hesitant at first, fingers hovering over the strings, but then he finally starts strumming and suddenly, brian is gone. the song is simple, something brian could easily repeat himself right after listening to it, but it holds so many feelings, pure raw emotions, and the lyrics are so deeply personal, so simple yet meaningful that brian feels like jae’s just opened his soul, showed his heart, offered him every wound of his to heal. jae’s singing with his eyes closed, not even looking at the guitar, having played this song hundreds of times, but it seems like this is the first time he’s playing it for someone else, someone who’s not here to criticize him.</p><p>while he’s playing, brian can’t stop staring at his fingers, anticipating every move, not wanting to miss anything, and when jae suddenly opens his eyes and gives him a quick smile, all thoughts just leave his brain, the only thing left being a huge neon billboard with “lost” written in red on it. he’s so busy thinking about how much he would like to just hold jae’s hands in his that he doesn’t even notice that jae’s already finished playing and they now sit in a comfortable, but strange silence.</p><p>“you liar,” is the first thing brian blurts out when his ability to speak is back. “you sing so beautifully i could listen to you for hours.”</p><p>to his surprise, jae’s face turns all red at the compliment. he looks so adorable at that moment, so vulnerable that brian really does understand why something as trivial as being rejected at work would hurt him this much. he’s all about expressing emotions, all about being who he is without hiding anything, and brian truly admires that, but he doesn’t understand what jae is currently trying to show him. testing the waters, he tries again.</p><p>“and although the song is simple enough, it’s still really… captivating. maybe i just don’t understand anything about music, but if i was a producer, i’d give you that job. you’d make so many people cry by all those songs you’re currently forced to hide. you’re very talented, jae, please, don’t ever doubt that even if they keep rejecting you. just keep going, okay?”</p><p>by the time he finishes, jae’s already hiding his face behind his palms again, all shy and even somewhat embarrassed. brian assumes no one really appreciated his work, but one thing is clear for sure: he can’t hide his true feelings naturally, so he tries to build artificial walls – like right now, for example.</p><p>“thank you,” he finally mumbles, still afraid to properly show his face again. “you’re the first person who was this mesmerized by me simply opening up.”</p><p>“maybe it’s because i know how it feels,” brian chuckles at jae’s slightly puzzled expression before continuing. “when i wrote my first book, i was rejected fifteen times before it was published. no one wanted to publish a book which didn’t have a happy ending.”</p><p>“you write?” is all jae says, looking amazed.</p><p>“well, everyone has their own ways to get bread and butter, you know,” brian does his best to look smug just to annoy jae a little bit and it works.</p><p>“that is not what i meant,” he pouts slightly, making brian fall deeper and deeper.</p><p>“and i know it,” he replies with a smile, making himself more comfortable on the blanket, moving a bit closer to jae so that their elbows and knees are almost touching now. “i was just joking. yes, i’m a writer. no one in my family supported that though, especially when i told them no one wanted to publish my first book.”</p><p>“so you don’t see a happy ending?” jae asks all of a sudden, one eyebrow raised.</p><p>the question catches brian off guard: he doesn’t know what to say. is jae asking about his books or his life? or maybe life in general? is there a happy ending? so many questions, not enough time to think about the answers – he ends up saying the first thing that comes to mind. as always.</p><p>“it depends on how you look at it. i believe in the right ending, where things progress naturally and end just like they’re meant to. if, for example, one character is terminally ill, it would, of course, be great for them to get better in the end and have a happy life. but how often does that happen? one time out of ten? and who’s going to write about those nine people who don’t have any choice, who don’t have a happy ending?”</p><p>“i think you’re being too pessimistic,” jae’s face darkens, and brian is suddenly afraid he said something wrong, touched an old wound or something. “but at some point, i would agree with you. it’s just that people want to spread kindness and positivity, because their reality is already dark enough to add more to it. i sincerely hope this was just an example and you don’t really have books like this.”</p><p>“i do not,” brian admits with all honesty. “my first book finished with a terrible breakup, which kind of also echoed in my life.”</p><p>for a few moments jae is silent and they both just look at the sun that is about to set, coloring the world around them in the softest pink, but then jae tugs at the hem of his leather jacket and nods towards his shoulder, as if asking for a permission. brian’s mouth hangs open for a second, heart beating somewhere in his throat already, before he nods back, moving a little so that jae can get comfortable. jae gives him a bright smile and then leans on his shoulder and it all feels right, it feels so right that brian is afraid of blinking – what if he blinks and jae will be gone? it feels right, but doesn’t feel real.</p><p>“tell me about your most awful breakup,” jae asks some time later, when brian is almost lulled to sleep by the warmth jae radiates.</p><p>“what, is it an ‘open your deepest secrets in front of a complete stranger’ evening?” brian replies with a sleepy laugh, not so sure if he wants to bring up his past relationships now.</p><p>“it’s you who started it, not me,” jae teases him back. “come on, i’m curious what makes you write books without happy endings.”</p><p>“they don’t all have bad endings, just so you know,” brian protests, but jae just hums back, not caring much about it. “alright, my weirdest breakup was when a guy i dated left me because he was allergic to some stuff and i refused to stop eating food he was allergic to. i still don’t know what exactly was wrong with him, i mean, i wasn’t making him drink milk or anything?”</p><p>this makes jae laugh so loud and carefree that his head slips down from brian’s shoulder and he falls back on the sand, and if brian doesn’t miss the weight on his shoulder, then it’s only because he’s extremely glad to see jae this happy. and it doesn’t matter that he’s currently laughing at something that made him suffer a lot in the past.</p><p>“are you for real?” jae asks, still giggling when he gets up.</p><p>he doesn’t place his head on brian’s shoulder again and it stings just a little bit, but he does his best not to show it. perhaps the atmosphere is just not the same anymore. he looks up at the sky, taking in all of the colors, suddenly having remembered that this was the real reason why he came to the beach in the first place. he’s surprised to feel being looked at and he can almost feel heat rising up to his cheeks when he actually catches jae eyeing him with a fond smile on his lips. those plump lips that look so kissable that brian can’t stop wondering what they taste like. blame it on the sunset.</p><p>“well, yes,” he finally gets back to the conversation, tries to focus again. “he said i was selfish, but i have a feeling i wasn’t the one being selfish in that relationship. i still don’t understand though, how me eating food he couldn’t offended him. but, anyway, it’s all in the past now. what’s yours?”</p><p>he watches jae’s face get as pink as the sky above them for god knows which time tonight, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying making jae blush. there is something in jae’s pure reactions to everything, something that tugs on brian’s heart and doesn’t let go.</p><p>“i’ve never dated anyone for a long time to experience a breakup that would ruin me or something,” jae says quietly, staring down at his hands. “there was a guy who used me for quite a while, but it wasn’t that serious for me either, so i’m fine.”</p><p>jae’s lying, lying almost shamelessly and it is so obvious that both of them understand this. brian doesn’t think much before placing his hand on jae’s left knee which is sticking out of his ripped black jeans; this time the action is done with intent, and it’s not scaring him anymore. once again, jae doesn’t flinch away, doesn’t make a move to get up, and it all makes brian hopeful, makes him want to believe he found the key, that he managed to learn how to read jae.</p><p>“this is so stupid,” jae whispers, voice barely audible. “i’m being so stupid.”</p><p>“hey,” brian says as he carefully tilts jae’s chin up. “look at me.”</p><p>jae does as told, not having much of a choice anyway, and for once, brian doesn’t let himself get lost in his eyes, instead studying his face, looking for a sign, looking for anything that would tell him to go on. jae keeps silent and just blinks, blinkblinkblinks, both hands placed on his knee where brian’s palm was just a few moments ago. and that serves as a sign even before jae’s gaze goes down to brian’s lips, curious, hopeful, and even somewhat daring at the same time.</p><p>“please tell me if i’m reading the situation wrong,” brian’s voice goes down to a whisper as well. “please stop me before i go crazy.”</p><p>jae doesn’t. instead, he takes a deep breath and brings their lips together in a slow, sweet kiss. brian’s hands easily find their way around jae’s slim waist, tugging him closer, eventually making jae sit on his lap and still not letting go of his waist. they kiss and kiss, still a little bit shy, unsure, not letting their hands explore each other’s bodies yet, but already trying to minimize the distance, make it disappear. when they pull apart, jae’s lips follow brian’s, chasing the lost contact, wanting more, and it makes brian smile before he leans in for another quick kiss.</p><p>“more,” jae keeps whining, now leaving small kisses on his neck, almost driving brian crazy.</p><p>his mind is absolutely empty now: all he wants is to have jae in his arms, and it doesn’t matter that they only met a few hours ago, doesn’t matter that he doesn’t know anything about jae aside from the fact that he’s a wannabe guitarist and that he’s been hurt way too many times. the only thing that matters is that jae’s currently pouting at him, silently asking him to continue, and how can he say no to those eyes, those lips?</p><p>“i never knew someone could be this good at kissing,” jae smirks at him, as if knowing all of his weaknesses already, and brian can’t help but kiss him again. “is there more to it..?”</p><p>the question sounds more like a suggestion, it still leaves a way to escape for both of them, but do they actually want to use it? brian almost jumps to his feet, dusts his jeans off and grabs jae’s hand, tugging him forward to where he’s parked the car.</p><p>“wait! i forgot my guitar!” jae almost screams suddenly, and brian has to let him go, somewhat afraid that he won’t come back.</p><p>“are you sure..?” he asks when they get into the car.</p><p>the only reason he’s asking this question is because he doesn’t want jae to feel used, to feel like there’s no choice and, more importantly, no actual feelings from brian’s side. brian doesn’t want him to suffer again, but he’s so bad with words right now that he can’t fully explain what he means, hoping jae would understand him anyway. and jae does, expressing his answer in a kiss, biting his lower lip gently before pulling away and making himself comfortable.</p><p>“i don’t think i’ve ever been this sure in my life,” he says eventually, because he somehow knows brian needs to hear it in words, and places one hand on brian’s thigh – to keep him distracted, as he assumes.</p><p>“we’re so crazy,” brian says more to himself, but jae still hears that and giggles.</p><p>“feels like i’m drunk on love,” he mutters and brian can’t agree more.</p><p>the rest of the road is silent, though brian still can’t stop praying that they make it to his house safe and sound, because jae’s fingers on his thigh keep slowly moving up, higher and higher, teasing, yet not giving anything more. brian’s grip on the wheel gets stronger and stronger until his knuckles get white, but thankfully, that is when he parks the car near the house. the first thing he does is, however, not getting out of the car, but pulling jae closer to crash their lips together once again. kissing jae seems to be something that he’s been missing for his whole life, it’s something he can’t get enough of. jae kisses back just as eagerly, but then suddenly pulls away, placing his hand between them, trying to build a wall, which makes brian frown. jae chuckles at his puzzled expression and gives him a gentle kiss on the forehead before he gets out of the car.</p><p>“if we keep kissing in the car, it won’t lead us anywhere,” he notices and brian can’t argue with that.</p><p>now that they’re finally at his doorway, he is suddenly aware of how messy his house is after all of those endless attempts to finish writing the chapter, but there’s no turning back now, not when they’re both so turned on and, as ridiculous as it sounds, so in love. he just hopes jae won’t notice the amount of used and unused paper all over the floor and the unwashed dishes in the kitchen – if they ever make it to the kitchen at all. jae doesn’t seem to be bothered by this question at all; the most important task for him right now is to leave as many kisses on brian’s neck as possible, or perhaps simply to drive him crazy for real.</p><p>almost as soon as they enter the house brian’s leather jacket joins the pile of papers on the floor and stays forgotten there as brian pins jae to the door, hands finally allowed to explore, go up and down his slim and seemingly fragile body. and jae lets him, lets brian tug at his hair to have a better access to his collarbones, which will definitely bloom purple and yellow by the morning, and jae lets him take off his hoodie and throw it on the floor as well. brian makes a surprised sound when he actually realizes that jae isn’t wearing anything under the hoodie and it almost makes him laugh, but then brian suddenly picks him up and slowly moves upstairs, where his bedroom is, and there is no time left for laughter anymore.</p><p>“i have so many questions, especially as to why you would paint your bedroom yellow, but i guess i’ll keep them to myself,” jae says somewhere in the middle of undressing brian as it’s incredibly unfair for him to still wear clothes when jae is already lying naked under him.</p><p>“you have any problems with this color?” brian asks, busy leaving kisses on his collarbones to notice the satisfied smile on jae’s lips.</p><p>“no-” jae doesn’t get to finish, his words getting cut off by a loud moan. “yellow is my favorite color.”</p><p>“it’s good to know, but are we really going to discuss our preferences when we’re this hard? or do we finally get to the part where we have sex?”</p><p>jae snorts and opens his mouth to say something, but brian suddenly bites his neck, making him moan again.</p><p>“if you keep leaving hickeys everywhere you can reach, we won’t ever get to the part when i have you inside, you know,” he pretends to be annoyed, but he also somehow feels that this little bickering turns brian on even more.</p><p>“listen, you’re the one to blame here,” is the reply as brian finally, finally pushes one finger inside, now leaving kisses on his shoulders to distract from the pain. “you’re so gorgeous, so… breathtaking. and your skin makes me want to mark every inch of it, makes me want to keep kissing you…”</p><p>“look who’s talking, mr. perfection,” but suddenly, jae is so overwhelmed he can’t think straight anymore, can’t keep teasing and just gives up, almost begging for more.</p><p>it’s an unspoken wish, something they’re both thinking about yet don’t voice, but they somehow manage to understand each other by just making an eye contact. despite the hunger spreading all over their veins, they take it slow, savoring the moment, refusing to rush and instead listening to each other’s hearts. jae intertwines their fingers, keeps whispering sweet nothings against his lips, the other hand playing with brian’s hair, almost making him purr at the action. he never knew some parts of his body could be this sensitive, but now that jae is kissing, sucking, nipping at his skin, he wonders how could he ever live without having jae in his life, because jae somehow knows all of his secrets, has all the keys to his body, mind, heart, soul. right at that moment he isn’t so sure anymore, if soulmates really don’t exist, because why on earth would kissing jae feel so right then, why listening to him sing would bring so many feelings, why, why, oh why? he looks down at jae, a beautiful mess moaning under him, with his cheeks flushed pink and his mouth open slightly, and he can’t seem to have enough of that, so he keeps kissing jae, getting closer to the edge with every word jae whispers against his lips.</p><p>when he looks to the side, to where his curtains are still open, he notices that the sun is about to rise, and the first ray lands on jae’s blond hair, getting lost in it, making it shine so beautifully that brian once again finds himself at a loss for words.</p><p>“i really hope you don’t do that with every handsome stranger that you meet in the streets,” jae breathes out suddenly, and brian can’t quite figure out if he’s joking or saying that in all seriousness.</p><p>nonetheless, he leans down to steal a kiss from jae’s perfectly shaped lips, then another, one more before he decides to speak up. he isn’t sure if it’s the right moment, but it seems that jae can’t fully relax until he hears those words coming from his mouth, and he’s already decided way back at the beach that tonight is going to be all about making jae feel good, so he can’t stay silent, not when jae needs him to say something.</p><p>“i haven’t had sex for two years,” he presses a light kiss to jae’s lips before he continues. “and you’re the most handsome stranger i’ve ever met.”</p><p>“good,” jae mumbles sleepily. “because i might have fallen for you.”</p><p>“this is the craziest thing i’ve done in my whole life, but for some reasons it also feels like the best one,” brian finally admits it out loud, not without dropping another kiss on jae’s bare shoulder.</p><p>“right,” jae hums and brian’s heart aches at how adorable he looks right now.</p><p>“you should sleep,” he says and makes a move to hug jae, but this time he doesn’t let brian do so, instead sits up with a slight frown on his face. “huh?”</p><p>“there is something you must know,” jae says quietly, head hanging low, and brian can almost hear the tears in his voice again.</p><p>he doesn’t want to know anything. he suddenly finds himself scared of what’s about to come, thoughts going back to the beach where jae asked that simple question: do you not see a happy ending? he doesn’t say anything, but takes jae’s hand in his, showing that he’s listening and, what’s more important, is not going to run away no matter what he says now.</p><p>“i got used to living with this thought, but now that you appeared in my life… it started to hurt like hell again. i want to be honest with you. i don’t have much time left,” he ends up whispering the last part because he almost breaks down again. “i need a surgery, otherwise all i have is about… seven months. i’m an orphan, so i don’t have anyone, which is why i really needed that job. i’m already working in two places, but the amount of money i need is just… i won’t be able to… they say i’m lucky it doesn’t hurt, so i can at least try to, but…”</p><p>for a moment, brian forgets how to breathe. he can almost feel his heart sinking, breaking into pieces, but forces himself to push those feelings away for now, focusing on jae instead. jae. jae. it is all about jae. he can’t stand seeing how jae’s shoulders shake from the crying, how small he looks when he’s not pretending to be okay, so he tugs jae closer, until he has his heart beating against jae’s back, no space left between their bodies.</p><p>“come here, baby,” he still whispers, even though he already has jae back in his arms. “i won’t let you go. i won’t let the sun take you away, not when it finally gave me its most beautiful ray.”</p><p>“i have about one third of what they’re asking for,” jae continues, mindlessly playing with brian’s fingers. “it’s okay if i die, really. it’s… scary, but my life is so miserable no one will even notice that i’m gone.”</p><p>don’t say that, brian wants to yell, don’t you ever say that, he wants to whisper, but stays silent, letting jae get off his chest everything he kept bottled up for so long. to him, what jae thinks is the most important thing right now; he will only be able to help him once he gets the key.</p><p>“i don’t want you to think i used you, but it is true that i wanted to feel loved, truly loved at least once before i die. but all my feelings were and still are real. i wasn’t pretending,” jae goes on, and brian kisses the crown of his hair to let him know he understands. “i also don’t want you to find out i’m dying when it’s already too late. i have no idea what we are now, but if… if we were to date… i want you to have a choice. it was the happiest night of my life, but it would be too selfish of me to enjoy it all without thinking about your feelings. if you like me the way i do, if you want to have me, then i simply want you to know it won’t be long till i’m gone. you told me you believe in the right ending. but won’t this one be too painful?”</p><p>“listen, jae,” now it’s brian’s turn to speak and he has a lot to say, because for the first time tonight he can actually think. “i understand how this may sound, considering that i still have to really get to know you, but i feel like i was reborn when i met you, like someone took off the blindfold, let me see the world in the right way again, let me finally hear myself. and this, this is the right ending. i’ve been constantly searching for one, and i understand it would be fair if i got a bad one as well, for making my fictional characters suffer like this, but i… i am willing to be by your side before and after your surgery, when you’re in the hospital and then back home, i want to protect you, to always hold your hand no matter what.”</p><p>“what do you… no way,” jae says, eyes wide, when he understands what exactly brian means by those words.</p><p>“money comes and goes, so if i have to work a little bit harder to save the life of someone who makes my head spin like that and my heart beat this fast, brings so many colors to my own life, then it’s worth a few more weeks of sleepless nights, isn’t it?”</p><p>“but you don’t even know me!” jae tries to protest weakly, but brian quickly shushes him with a kiss on the cheek.</p><p>“yes, you’re right, but you’re currently naked in my bed, so i think i do know you just a little bit already? i <em>want</em> to know you, isn’t it more important? and how will i get to know you if you die?” he jokes to brighten the mood and grins upon noticing jae smile a little.</p><p>“touché,” jae replies and turns around just to give him a slow kiss. “thank you. you have no idea how much it means to me. no one has ever been as kind to me in my whole life as you’ve been in just one night. this isn’t a dream, is it?”</p><p>“i promise i’ll be here when you wake up. it’s my house, after all,” brian smiles at him and lies down so that jae can place his head on his chest. “jae?”</p><p>“mhm?..” he mumbles sleepily, already dozing off, lips brushing against the skin of brian’s chest.</p><p>“just wanted you to know how grateful and proud i am that you made it this far. now sleep.”</p><p>jae doesn’t reply, but brian can feel his lips forming a smile, and soon he is fast asleep like a baby. falling asleep with someone else in your bed should feel weird, but for some reasons it calms brian down, makes him realize that from now on his words will carry even more weight than they used to. and somehow, he knows exactly how he’s going to finish his book on soulmates. sometimes the right ending is neither good nor bad, but it’s the ending you create yourself, and, falling asleep with jae in his arms, brian finally realizes what’s right for him and he is determined to make it real. on his chest, jae’s snoring softly, clinging to him as if he will be gone once jae lets go. and everything has suddenly found its meaning.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>once again, please leave kudos and share your thoughts in the comments below! </p><p>you can also support me on ko-fi if you like this work! i'd be beyond thankful xxx</p><p>https://ko-fi.com/starryj</p></blockquote></div></div>
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